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Good Sex with Emily Jamea: How Can Mindfulness Improve Sex?
You might be surprised what a few deep breaths and focused thoughts can do to improve your lovemaking
Sep 13, 2022
Sep 18, 2024
Your HealthAASECT-Certified Sex Therapist
Houston, TX
Dr. Emily Jamea is a sex and relationship therapist based in Houston, TX. With over 15 years of experience, she has helped thousands of people create connection and cultivate passion.
Her new book, Anatomy of Desire: Five Secrets to Create Connection and Cultivate Passion, is currently available everywhere books are sold.
Emily offers online workshops as part of her mission to make her knowledge accessible to everyone. She speaks nationally and internationally to a diverse range of audiences including educators, health and mental health professionals, and the general public. Her expertise has been featured in Oprah Magazine, CNN, USA Today, NBC, and more. Dr. Jamea hosts the popular Love & Libido Podcast, writes columns for Psychology Today and Healthy Women, and posts across all the social media channels @dremilyjamea.
In her free time, Emily enjoys spending time with her husband and children, traveling as much as possible, and salsa dancing and painting when she gets the chance.
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You might be surprised what a few deep breaths and focused thoughts can do to improve your lovemaking
Emily Jamea, Ph.D., is a sex therapist, author and podcast host. You can find her here each month to share her latest thoughts about sex.
Stop and think if any variation of the following thoughts has ever taken hold of you during sex.
“My cellulite must look terrible in this position.”
“Did I remember to text my sister back?”
“I better come quickly or he’s going to lose interest. I swear, it’s like I’m numb down there.”
If you relate to the experience of having pesky, intrusive thoughts like these during sex, you’re not alone. Distraction thoughts, emotions and body sensations can make it impossible to concentrate, let alone enjoy, sex. And if you can’t enjoy sex, chances are you’re not going to want to do it.
So what’s a woman to do? The answer lies in mindful sex.
Mindfulness has become such a buzz word over the past decade that entire magazines and blogs are dedicated to it. Mindful eating, mindful parenting, mindful meditation … but what is it exactly, and can it really help improve your sex life?
Read about the five best apps to cultivate a meditation habit
While mindfulness may seem like a new concept, it’s actually quite old. It has its roots in ancient Hinduism dating back thousands of years. The concept of mindfulness weaved its way through other religions, such as Buddhism, before making its way into more commonly known practices such as yoga. Eventually, mindfulness made the leap from spirituality to science, which helped it gain popularity in the West. Backed by an ever-growing body of research, mindfulness is now used to treat everything from depression to pain management, and newer studies find that mindfulness is one of the best ways to improve your sex life.
In short, mindfulness is the practice of creating spacious presence. It helps us maintain an awareness of our thoughts and feelings without getting overly emotionally attached to them or judging ourselves for having them. When we do that, we’re finally freed up to take pleasure in life … and sex.
Let’s practice with one of the thoughts I opened with. “My cellulite must look terrible in this position.” Say that to yourself a few times. Notice how your body feels when you repeat that thought. Now say to yourself, “ I am having the thought that my cellulite looks terrible in this position.” Take a breath. Now add to that, “I notice that I am having the thought that my cellulite looks terrible in this position.” Now bring your attention back to your breath and imagine how much easier it would be to refocus on the pleasurable aspects of making love.
With mindfulness, we identify the thought (“There’s a negative body image thought.”). Then, we cut ourselves some slack for having the thought (“Lots of women have thoughts like this.”), and then refocus on something that feels good (“I love how my partner’s hands feel on the backs of my thighs.”).
Here are four ways that mindfulness can improve sex.
Keep in mind that mindfulness is not something you do once. For it to be effective, you should practice mindfulness on a regular basis, both in and out of the bedroom. It may be an ancient practice, but it’s withstood the test of time for good reason.
Be mindful of your body, your pleasure and your partner — and you just mind find yourself one deep breath away from the best sex of your life.