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Pregnancy & Parenting

The Secret No One Tells You About Trying to Get Pregnant

By Kristen Mucci-Mosier

Created: 03/15/2012
Last Updated: 02/07/2013

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No one ever told me about what really happens when you're trying to get pregnant. No one told me that all of sudden you can't think about anything else and that every person around you seems to be pregnant or carrying a newborn.

It's go-go-go and then wait, and that two weeks of waiting is agonizing. Every twinge in your abdomen, you're thinking: Could that be implantation? Am I pregnant? Then come the questions: Should I be doing yoga? Should I have that glass of wine with dinner?

And then, your period comes, and there's some heavy disappointment, while also trying to play it cool: "I'm not worried, it will happen when it's supposed to." And at the same time, worrying about your partner and what he's thinking.

Maybe I'm unique and you're wondering what I'm talking about, but I can't imagine that, considering the chats I've had with friends and read across online fertility message boards. So many things come up around getting pregnant:

  • Feelings about your body, from how it looks to if you're actually capable of getting pregnant.
  • Wondering about your partner: How are his swimmers? (Has he been in a hot tub recently?) Are there things he can do to help? (Should he be taking a prenatal vitamin too?)
  • The sex: It's go-time can really take the romance out of things.
  • The relationship: You feel crazy and are wondering if he thinks you're crazy. Are you both on the same page?

If you're there, here are some things you can do to take some of the stress out of getting pregnant:

  • Get the information you need, and then stop reading all those books and message boards! The more you immerse yourself in that world, the more constant it is on your mind.
  • Talk to other people who have experienced the same thing, and, most importantly, keep communicating with your partner.
  • Enjoy your partner. Even if you know when you have to have sex, it doesn't have to be a quickie. Use fertility-safe lubes if it hurts, and don't drop the foreplay. Plan a weekend getaway if at all possible.
  • Keep on keeping on. Don't stop your life because you're trying to get pregnancy. Make plans, exercise, laugh.
  • Get more support. If you're coping with fertility issues, talking to a professional therapist can help.

What helped me then and still helps me today with the fears that come up around pregnancy is this mantra: I'm just a witness to this process, doing my part and standing back to watch.