Infertility and Your Relationship

For online information and referral to groups in your area, here are two good places to start:

• RESOLVE: www.resolve.org 
• American Society for Reproductive Medicine: www.asrm.org 

Share your infertility struggles . Studies find that couples who keep their infertility secret from friends and family tend to withdraw and have more psychological and relationship problems than those who open up. Talk with your partner about whom you will share information with and how much you will share. He may want to tell his mother everything, but you may think his mother's questions are intrusive or judgmental. He may not want your friends to know that he has a low sperm count or many other details of your fertility treatments.

From the Male Perspective

Sometimes it may seem as if your wife or partner is the only one experiencing infertility. She's the one who gets the hugs and flowers; she's the one who is asked about her feelings, her health, her emotional state.

But what about you?

Chances are, you're suffering too. A recent study found that the male partners of infertile couples were quite likely to feel depressed and to have erectile dysfunction and other sexual relationship problems. Unfortunately, too often men try to distance themselves from infertility, keep their feelings to themselves and focus on plans to "solve" the infertility, all of which are less-than-ideal ways of coping that can harm your relationship.

Discussing your feelings with your partner will allow you to bond over feelings of being out of control. Initiating and participating in fertility-free dates or intercourse-free dates may allow you to reexplore the eroticism of earlier times in your courtship and provide relief from goal-oriented sex.

These tips can help the two of you maintain a strong relationship as you work through the physical and emotional issues of infertility in your quest for a child.