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Should You Try a Sex Schedule?

Should You Try a Sex Schedule?

By Stacey Feintuch

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Life gets in the way of sleep. Life gets in the way of exercise. Life gets in the way of many things. And such is the case for sex. It takes a back seat in many relationships. It goes to the bottom of the to-do list and even off the list altogether for some. 

If life is getting in the way of sex, it may be time to schedule some nookie time.

It may not sound romantic and like a buzzkill to pencil in some sexy time. But think about it. You make time to go to the supermarket, clean the house, cook dinner, visit the dentist. When life gets hectic, intimacy may get pushed to the backburner. Scheduling time for sex can help lovemaking happen consistently. If you and your partner are willing to try it, there's no reason not to do so. 

Most couples want to be having more sex. But since our lives are so busy and full, it just doesn't always happen. Scheduling it will ensure it does. You can always get it on more than the schedule dictates. But with a schedule, you don't need to constantly discuss it. The time's already been set aside to keep the spark alive. You take care of the issue of not having enough sex before it becomes a problem.

For schedule makers, this plan can have its perks. By literally scheduling sex into your calendar, you can physically and emotionally prepare for it. It gives you something to look forward to. You may like the anticipation and feeling of being prioritized. You can fantasize about your time together, enhancing your desire.

True, your time between the sheets may not be spontaneous. But you can still have an authentic connection even if it's planned. Sometimes, making a concerted effort shows that you're committed to ensuring that intimacy happens. 

It's not about a loss of passion. Rather, it's about prioritizing your intimacy and connection. It can help remind you that your love life is as important as work, hobbies, friends, family and everything else.

Read more: Multitasking? Not So Intimate

No one-size-fits-all method works for every couple. Experiment and see how often works for you. Try it twice a week, once a week. It doesn't have to be every single day. The best time is when you're least likely to be pulled away and distracted by the obligations of life. That may be in the morning when the kids are still sleeping. It may be at night after they're in bed. Or it may be in the middle of the day during lunch hour. The time has to work for both parties, when no one is just too exhausted or too busy to do the deed.

The possible downsides
The downside to a schedule may be that if spontaneous sex does arise, you may have difficulty jumping on board. You may feel like sex is just a transaction, a task, an item on your to-do list. Being told you should do something can make it less fun, boring and obligatory. You may feel like it's too formal, structured and predictable. 

If you have relationship issues or psychological issues like stress or anxiety, scheduled sex may add to the pressure.

In fact, less sex may not even make a difference. A recent study found that while married people or those in committed relationship who had made sex tended to report feeling happier, the benefit leveled off at sexual frequency of once a week. Those who said they got down and dirty four or more times a week didn't report feeling any happier than those who did it only weekly.

It's up to you and your partner to decide what works best. If you're skeptical about the process, remember that just because sex is planned doesn't mean it can't be good. When you're doing it right, you won't be able to wait for your next booked sex session.