For many people, having frequent sex is one of the best parts of being in a relationship. Great sexual chemistry might be one reason why you and your partner got together in the first place! But if that's the case, why do so many couples end up in sexless relationships?
According to recent statistics, more than 40 million Americans are living in sexless marriages, and 15 percent of couples have sex 10 times a year or less. If this sounds like you and it's bothering you or your partner, you might want to figure out what's behind it. Consider these possibilities.
Problem: You're too tired
Solution: Get more rest
Not getting enough sleep is bad for your mind and body, and being tired can put you in a bad mood and reduce your desire for intimacy. If you're denying your partner because you'd rather sleep than fool around, make it a point to change your sleep schedule for more shut-eye. You could try having sex in the morning or afternoon instead of before bed.
Problem: You're not confident about your body
Solution: Take steps to feel better about yourself
Many people stop having sex because they feel self-conscious about their bodies. If you put on a little weight or haven't had time to shop for new underwear lately, you might not feel sexy to your partner. It's not always easy to eat healthier and exercise more, but you can take steps to be more comfortable with your body as it is now. As you're taking small steps toward healthier living, work on thinking more positively about yourself. Ask a friend to help you shop for some new clothes or lingerie that fit and flatter your shape and help you feel sexy at any size.
Problem: You have age-related issues
Solution: Try medication or lube
Aging couples may find that sex isn't as enjoyable. Men may have trouble getting an erection, while women may feel drier during perimenopause and after menopause. Speak to a health care provider or a sex therapist to find treatments for these problems, like medication or a vaginal moisturizer or lubricant.
Problem: Your kids are always around
Solution: Find alone time
Once you have kids, it may feel like you and your partner are never alone together, and when you are, you're often too worn out to engage in sexual activities. If this is the case, schedule regular date nights, preferably with a sitter who's willing to spend the night with your kids. When you're at a hotel or your kids are at Grandma's, you'll have plenty of uninterrupted time to fool around.
Problem: You don't talk about sex
Solution: Be more open
You and your partner might feel uncomfortable talking about sex, in which case it may be hard to initiate time between the sheets or communicate what each of you wants. Make an effort to be more open with your partner. Even if it's awkward at first, chances are he or she will be glad you brought it up.