Feature Article

'Tis the Season to be Stressed-Out?
Put the Jolly Back in Your Holidays
by Robin Warshaw

Autumn is only a few days old, but many stores have already decked their halls with lavish holiday gifts, shimmering seasonal ornaments, and specialty food treats.

Does the approach of the winter holidays--beginning with Thanksgiving and ending well beyond New Year's Day--fill you with delight or dread?

Women often feel the most pressure to plan, shop, cook, decorate and coordinate seasonal rituals, gifts, mailings and parties. We try to do too much, for too many people, in too little time. The holidays may also remind us of losses--of loved ones, friends, homes, marriages, health, jobs--that stir sad feelings.

No wonder some of us start the season aglow with anticipatory joy only to end up, weeks later, feeling awful. "Exhaustion, depression, sleeplessness, poor appetite, overeating, and irritability are all signs of stress," says Dorothy W. Cantor, Phy.D., president of the American Psychological Foundation and a psychologist who is in private practice in Westfield, N.J.

There are good health reasons to avoid holiday stress. Women suffer stress-induced depression more often than men do and are more likely to experience depression from seasonal affective disorder caused by reduced daylight. Research also shows that death rates peak across the U.S. in December and January, regardless of climate, for both cardiac and non-cardiac causes. Holiday-time stress is one reason why.

Yet stress doesn't have to be part of your holidays.

Taking positive actions now to plan the upcoming season will reduce pressures and increase your enjoyment of what can be a lovely time of year. What's more, you can arm yourself with quick "escape valve" techniques to remove stress when you're in the midst of the most hectic days.

Ditch the great expectations

"The biggest stress is expectations--those that others have of us and those we impose upon ourselves," says Mary Jo Kreitzer, Ph.D., R.N., director of the Center for Spirituality and Healing and associate professor of nursing, University of Minnesota. "We focus on buying more presents, baking more cookies, going to more concerts or parties. Our schedules fill up and our pocketbooks empty."

Expectations of how the holidays should be may keep us from enjoying a period of simpler, more meaningful joys. Here's a guide for planning a stress-free holiday:

10 weeks in advance

• Start pre-planning. "You reduce stress because you lay out a timetable and don't get caught in the feeling of being rushed to fit things in at the last minute," Cantor says.


• Check the calendar now. Christmas Day and the first night of Hanukkah coincide this year; Kwanzaa begins the next day. Orthodox Christian, Islamic, Sikh and other holidays occur in January. If you have family members who celebrate different festivals, talk with everyone about how, where, and when celebrations will take place.


• Ask yourself questions about previous holidays to define your planning. Kreitzer suggests these:


• What do you remember best about the holidays?
• What was draining and stress-producing?
• Is there something about holiday time you'd like to re-capture?
Use your answers to make healthful changes to lessen stress this year. If family and friends will be involved in your new plans, propose and negotiate changes with them now, before schedules are set.

• Determine who will help. "We don't have to do it all and we don't have to do it all alone," says Kreitzer. "Enlist others, set priorities, and simplify!"
• Build more physical activity into your day. Consider registering for "Choose To Move" (SM), a free 12-week physical activity program for women sponsored by the American Heart Association. The program is designed to show you practical ways to increase your physical activity. Learn more here.

8 weeks in advance

• Set limits according to your personal situation. You may want to curb the cost or amount of gift-buying you do. If so, talk with family, friends or co-workers now to reach agreement on this, Cantor says.


• Other ways to control holiday pressures:


• restrict the number of events you attend;
• limit how many people you invite to a home party;
• eliminate a stressful long-distance visit that you've made in previous years.
• If certain rituals trigger sadness, change them or create new traditions to replace them.


• Organize your gift list. Shop now to avoid crowded stores and out-of-stock items. Or order online--shipping costs are usually lower when you have time to wait for delivery.


• To keep stress at bay, Cantor advises that you finish all your shopping by Thanksgiving.

6 weeks in advance

• Wrap and label gifts. Keep a list, but put items in a closet or at a friend's house.


• Consider how much time you realistically have for decorating. Set up a brief schedule for getting it done gradually.


• Create a list of food specialties you enjoy making, choosing only those that can be baked or cooked and frozen in advance. Begin making those items now and freezing them for holiday parties.


• If you enjoy sending holiday cards or letters, prepare them now. Reduce your mailing list by as much as possible.

4 weeks in advance

• Are you entertaining at home? Assign guests to bring dishes that must be prepared fresh, such as salad.


• Sometimes, family events may be too stressful. "If your family is not happy together the rest of the year, what magic will make that happen during the holiday season?" Cantor says. "For some people, not being with family is actually a good idea."


• Make alternate plans, so you'll feel comfortable declining graciously.
• If you feel you must attend, line up friends to support you in person, by phone or via email.
• Volunteer to help out at a hospital, food pantry, or shelter. This year, with hurricane disaster-related needs, social service organizations will be hungry for willing workers.

The final sometimes-crazy days

• You may start having symptoms of stress (headache, diarrhea, anxiety, etc.) as the holidays draw near. If so:
  
  • Listen to your body and slow down.
  • Eliminate anything left on your to-do list.
  • Get at least seven to nine hours sleep every night, the National Sleep Foundation advises.
  • Take daily walks with a friend, a dog or soothing music on your headphones.
  • If you use a gym regularly, but the holidays have thrown you off schedule, take time for a work-out. Your emotions and your body will thank you.
  • Take a few deep abdominal breaths to calm you. You'll find this simple technique here.

A special note for individuals and families who've been displaced due to the 2005 hurricanes and floods:

"Those who can't get home by the holidays are going to have to accept that this is going to be a holiday season unlike any other," psychologist Cantor says. "Particularly if they have children, it will be important to try and bring some spirit of the holidays--especially the hopefulness--to them."

Community agencies, religious institutions and others will offer help--gifts, clothing, meals, and more. Some displaced people--especially those accustomed to providing for themselves and their families--may find it difficult to continue to accept charity.

"They should keep in mind that the holidays are a season of giving, and that the givers are, therefore, benefiting as well," says Cantor, the author of "Finding Your Voice" (Wiley, 2004). Some who have been displaced may be feeling especially fragile or stressed as the holidays approach. Cantor urges them to speak with local psychologists who are offering counseling help.

References

SUBSCRIBE to HealthyWomen Take 10 today! Click here.