Job loss, foreclosures, sinking savings, rising costs for just about everything—sometimes it seems as if everywhere we turn these days we see dark clouds of difficulty settling in for the long haul.
It's natural to feel overloaded by the weight of worries that multiply during hard times, whether those tough periods come from financial problems, personal loss, medical challenges or other stresses. Yet some women seem able to handle even very tough situations and come out OK, even stronger, than before. For others, the passage through tough times takes longer and may leave more scars.
Is the first group of women just luckier than the second? In a sense, yes, but it is "luck" that anyone can make for herself, says Froma Walsh, PhD, co-director of the Chicago Center for Family Health, professor emerita at the University of Chicago and author of Strengthening Family Resilience.
Resilience is the ability to rebound from crisis and weather prolonged adversity, Dr. Walsh says. It doesn't mean that you simply bounce right back or put on a phony "happy face" when trouble hits. Resilient people also suffer and struggle, and they may have days or weeks when they are discouraged—but then they take a deep breath and rally to master their challenges. “You balance out the dread and struggle with an appreciation for what you have and a strong belief that, with effort, you can turn your life around,” she says.
“Beyond coping, a resilient response can yield positive growth out of adversity,” says Dr. Walsh. “When we tap more deeply into our inner potential, we often find strengths we didn’t know we had and we build new competencies.” In the wake of hard times, many develop new priorities and purpose for their lives.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst
Resilience can be developed and strengthened, even if you haven't been highly resilient before or have struggled with resilience-sapping anxiety, depression or stress. One way to increase your resilience is to think about how you could respond to "what ifs" before they happen. Less resilient people put off thinking about potential difficulties until they arise. Dr. Walsh suggests thinking about resilience as a "psychosocial and emotional insurance policy" that helps you land on your feet—and more.
"You have to be prepared ahead of time," says Michelle M. Fleig-Palmer, PhD, assistant professor of management at the University of Nebraska at Kearney, who has studied how to develop resiliency for finding employment after losing a job.
Because job loss, searching for a new job and the repeated rejections you might encounter can feel very personal, Dr. Fleig-Palmer says, "the natural inclination is to think about things negatively."
Instead of doing that, she says, it's important to look at your assumptions about your situation accurately, identify correctly what barriers you might face and strategize what to do about them. Also, consider what you do at work that contributes value. That builds your internal knowledge of what you do well—providing a good tool for resilient action.
Dr. Fleig-Palmer advises asking yourself, "If I'm laid off, what do I need when I walk out the door?" You might want to brush up on your negotiating skills (to get a better severance package) or interviewing savvy, to be ready, just in case.
Such planning is "not being disloyal to your employer," she says. "It's being loyal to yourself" and improves your resilience if job loss happens.
Resiliency boosters
Whether you're in the midst of tough times or worrying about encountering them, here are several other important ways to become more resilient:
Click here to read more about how optimism can improve your health.