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1. If things are so bad, why doesn't she just leave her abuser?

   Shelters often are full, and family, friends and the workplace are frequently less than fully supportive of a woman fleeing an abusive relationship. Faced with rent and utility deposits, day care, health insurance and other basic expenses, she may feel that she cannot support herself and her children. In some instances, the woman may be increasing the chance of physical harm or even death if she leaves an abusive partner.

2. What can I do to convince my friend that she needs to leave her abusive partner?

   Explain to her that you are afraid for her safety and the safety of her children. Assure her that the abuse will likely continue to escalate and will definitely not go away. Tell her that she deserves better than this and offer to help her devise a plan for escape.

3. What if she will not or does not want to leave?

   Encourage her to investigate local resources for counseling and temporary shelter, or other social services she or her family may need. Sometimes abusers can be persuaded, or court-ordered, to enroll in anger-management programs for intensive therapy aimed at rechanneling rage. Additionally, the woman needs continued support—it may take a victim months or even years before she feels safe enough to leave.

4. Is it still considered abuse even if he doesn't physically harm her?

   Yes. Psychological abuse, sometimes called mental violence, may include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources and destruction of personal property in her presence. The abuser may destroy objects or harm pets in front of the woman. Psychological abuse often escalates to restraining, pushing, slapping and/ or pinching.

5. If I can get my partner to stop drinking so much, will that help calm his abusive behavior?

   Probably not. Although abuse is often blamed on alcohol and drug use, abusers rarely stop their abusive behavior even after completion of a drug or alcohol treatment program. Abusive behavior and substance abuse are two separate issues that both require treatment.

6. How can I prepare for the day when I finally leave for good?

   Begin now to build a survival kit containing a spare set of keys, clothes, birth certificates, passports, divorce/custody/separation agreements, protection orders, prescriptions, bank cards and money. Ask someone you trust to keep these items for you. If you are concerned about leaving important items and money with someone, get a safety deposit box.

7. How can I leave my husband when he always seems so sorry after he hits me?

   Your husband's apologies may seem sincere for the moment, but they are part of the cycle of violence. After a violent incident, most abusers apologize and promise to stop hurting their victims. But soon after the "honeymoon" is over, violent tension begins to build again and will inevitably result in more abuse.

8. Am I doing something to provoke my husband's rage?

   Like other abusers, your husband would like for you to believe that his violent behavior is your fault. It is not. And by the same token, there is nothing you can do or say to prevent the abuse from continuing, except to leave. Its important to understand that one reason the abuser attacks you is because he sees you as vulnerable, not because he has a tendency to attack all women.

9. Can sexual abuse occur between husband and wife?

   Yes. Sexual abuse is any type of unwanted sexual activity. Sexual abuse can occur within a marriage or between lovers. Physical abuse may accompany or culminate in, sexual violence. However, a few states still don't allow women to charge their husbands with a sexual crime. Sexual abuse can include the abusers' insistence on total control of the woman's sexual life, including the type of contraception she is "allowed" to use, or the insistence that she cannot use any contraception. Today, more contraception choices are available to women and may be used without detection. Every woman should also know about and have access to emergency contraception, the so-called "morning-after" pill that can prevent a pregnancy from occurring after unprotected sex