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Sunday, Mar 14th 2010
Preparing for the Journey Ahead
by Marilyn B.
Read Marilyn's story and track her journey…
On Monday I start chemo. I told my husband this morning that it’s pretty screwed up when you fear the treatment more than you fear the disease. But he reminded me that the reason I don’t fear the disease is because of the treatment. He’s right. As of today I have a roughly 70 percent chance of survival and non-recurrence. After chemo, radiation and hormone therapy, I will have a 93 percent chance of survival and non-recurrence. As a recovering accountant, I respect those numbers.
I am ready. I want to put this mystery behind me. I want to know what it feels like to sit there with my compatriots as a member of a club that no one wants to be part of. I want to know how they are going to hook me up to the port, and what it feels like to have the drugs coursing through my veins. I want to know how I’m going to feel Monday night and Tuesday morning and next Friday night. I want to know whether chemo is going to kick my ass or whether I am going to be the victor—most likely it will be both.
Not to get too airy-fairy, but I see this as an exotic, exciting journey that will provide a lot of growth, a bit of pain and a few silver linings. I am soooo blessed to have so many people on this journey with me.
I'll catch you on the flip side.
Comments
Apr 22, 2010 12:Apr 12 | Debra said
To Marilyn
I think that it is wonderful that you are sharing this experience. Your narrative is so honest, so compelling. I have a friend who has prostate cancer, with a good prognosis. He won't talk much about how he is feeling--but I suspect that he feels much the same as you. It's nice to have a few insights from you on how I might help him. Thank you so much for your courage to share your story. I'll be thinking of you in the days and weeks ahead. Sending all best wishes to you and your family, Deb
Apr 12, 2010 12:Apr 12 | Andy said
me too
My first chemo cocktail will be this Thursday and I am also more afraid of the chemical than the disease! Trying to convince myself that this toxic juice may give me some super powers that have been within me all along. Sometimes it works...for a minute...most times feeling the worst anxiety ever.
