toddlers to teens
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Talking to Tweens and Teens About Sex

  1. Waiting is OK.
  2. Intercourse should be special, especially your first time and, ideally, each time thereafter.
  3. Love is a reason to have sex, not pressure.
  4. Intercourse should not be painful. If it is, there's something wrong.
  5. Sex should be your decision, not anyone else's.
  6. Sex should never be forced. That's called rape.
  7. Sex should not occur in the presence of alcohol or drugs. They cloud your judgment.
  8. Attraction to another person of the same sex is possible. It may or may not mean you're gay. Either way, reassure your child that he or she is still loved.
  9. There are many sexual behaviors to share with someone that are pleasurable and that minimize exposure to STDs or the risk of pregnancy.
  • Be specific. Don't just tell your daughter she has the right to say "no." Brainstorm with her on specific options. For instance, she could excuse herself and call you for support (and a ride home). If you think your child has become sexually active, don't just talk about the importance of contraception and safe sex; buy a box of condoms and show him or her how to use them, using a prop—a cucumber, for instance, so there’s no confusion about how to use a condom properly.
  • Be realistic. If your teen does as you asked and comes to talk to you before becoming sexual active, recognize whether this is something you can influence. If you sense that your child is going to have sex regardless of what you say, then at least do what you can to prepare him or her to ensure some measure of safety.
  • Encourage openness. At some point, your teen will be faced with the "do-I-or-don't-I" moment. Let your child know that you are always there to listen and promise not to judge or get angry

    • As you may already be painfully aware, your child is yours only for a few more years. She or he is moving into early adulthood. In the end, all you can do is hope that you've built a solid foundation. The actual construction is up to your teen. So relax, and keep the lines of communication open.

    This content is supported by an educational grant from Wyeth Pharmaceuticals Corporation

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