Parenting After a Cancer Diagnosis

Perhaps the people who are hit the hardest after a cancer diagnosis are the children of the affected individual. This is especially true when dealing with kids who are still dependent on their sick parent and may not be able to cope as well as adults.

But it's important not to underestimate the ability of your child to comprehend difficult situations and deal with them in an appropriate manner, whatever that may be for them. As you learn to cope with a cancer diagnosis, do not forget your main purpose as a parent: to teach them what you know.

Helping children understand cancer

Depending on their age, kids may have little to no knowledge of what cancer is. It may be a good idea to begin with some basic facts about the disease. For instance, let them know that each case is different. If they are old enough to know that some people die from cancer, then explain that a cancer diagnosis is not usually a death sentence. Advances in modern medicine have come a long way in extending the lives of cancer patients and even putting certain malignancies into remission.

Very young children may need to be told that cancer is not contagious and that a diagnosis is not anyone's fault.

You may be able to help older kids better deal with a parent's cancer by educating them on things like chemotherapy and surgeries that have been shown to be effective.

Most importantly, talk to children about your or your partner's specific illness. Do some research and speak with your oncologist so you have an accurate, comprehensive understanding of the condition and will be able to relay these facts to your kids. Factors like the parts of the body affected, the stage of the cancer, potential treatments and survival rates may help the whole family come to an understanding of what you're up against.

Help your child know what to expect by explain what may happen to you physically and emotionally, such as loss of hair, nausea, tiredness, bloating or weight changes, effects of surgery, sadness or moodiness, forgetfulness and whatever other changes you think may occur. Make it clear that you may have some rough times ahead but they are likely temporary—and that you still love them, even when you feel bad.

Maintaining normalcy in their lives

During this difficult time, you may be tempted to put a hiatus on things like their after-school activities and socializing. However, this will only make the situation seem more intense to your children, because they'll not only notice that things have changed, they'll also have fewer fun distractions and a smaller support network as a result. If you are not physically up to doing the activities, ask for help. Many people are likely to ask you what they can do for you; don't be afraid to tell them.