Breast Cancer and Sexuality

by Sheryl Kraft

Sexuality. It's inevitable that this is a word associated with breasts. Yet it is a challenging subject to write about. Why? First, I've always tended to be rather private when it comes to personal things like my sex life. Second, it's a topic that doctors will rarely bring up with breast cancer patients; perhaps they are uncomfortable or unsure of how to approach this touchy and highly personal subject. Doubtful it's part of their medical school curriculum (and if it is, I'm sure it plays a minor role). And then again, there's that time factor we all fall victim to—inevitably, when we see our doctor, any personal topics will be brought up last...if time allows. The majority of the office visit is spent on purely medical and practical concerns, like physical health and well-being.

There's no denying that for most women, the loss or alteration of a breast touches her sexuality on an extraordinarily deep level.

But it's all so very complicated, I think. Yes, the breasts are an erogenous organ associated with real physiological responses. And there's that psychological aspect of femininity and attractiveness. I was a late bloomer, probably one of the last girls of my age to wear a bra, and even when I finally started wearing one, I really didn't need it. But from a very early age, I was aware of breasts, aware of the effect that they had on boys, whose eyes would linger on the chests of the girls who had something to show, rather than mine. And I clearly remember that the instant I fastened my first bra—with the nonexistent cups—I stood a little taller, felt a little enhanced, like I finally "belonged." I made sure to wear the sheerest white blouse I owned, so that my entrée into womanhood would be evident to everyone, male or female.

In the process of writing this, I came to a realization: I was planning to write about how to maintain—or regain—your sex life, a subject on which I was not an expert. It's all so individual, after all. Then, I thought further and was going to write about the fact that the most crucial thing to regaining your sense of sexuality and femininity is having a supportive partner. But then—sorry for all these reversals!—I realized that when it comes down to it, we are all alone with our own bodies. There's not always that someone by our side to reinforce the fact that we are still beautiful and sexy, is there? And many of us might be single—possibly dating, possibly not.

I'm no authority on relationships or fulfilling sex lives, but I can say something about the relationship we have with our own bodies. After my mastectomy, I had to learn to love mine again.