10 Tips for Helping Your Child Build Self-Confidence

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all raise kids with the confidence, spunk and compassion of Little Orphan Annie? Sure, most children won't have to befriend and care for fellow orphans, outsmart a cold-hearted orphanage matron, survive life on the streets or win the heart of billionaire "Daddy" Warbucks. But all children face some hard knocks, and it's important to equip them with enough confidence to not only survive, but thrive.

Self-confidence comes from a sense of competence. A confident child needs a positive and realistic perception of his or her abilities. This arises out of achievements, great and small. Your encouraging words can help develop this confidence, especially when you refer to your child's specific efforts or abilities.

Here are 10 tips to help build self-confidence in your child:

1. Love your child. This seems obvious, but it's probably the most important thing you can give your child. Even if you do it imperfectly—and who doesn't?—always dole out plenty of love. Your child needs to feel accepted and loved, beginning with the family and extending to other groups such as friends, schoolmates, sports teams, and community. If you yell or ignore or make some other parenting mistake, give your child a hug and tell her you're sorry and you love her. Unconditional love builds a strong foundation for confidence.

2. Give praise where praise is due. It's important to give your child praise and positive feedback because children—especially young ones—measure their worth and achievements by what you think. But be realistic in your praise. If a child fails at something or shows no talent at a particular skill, praise the effort, but don't unrealistically praise the results. Reassure your child that it's OK not to be able to do everything perfectly. Tell him that some things take repeated effort and practice—and sometimes it's OK to move on after you've given your best effort.

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3. Help your child set realistic goals. When your child is starting out in soccer, it's fine for her to think she'll eventually be on the Olympic team. But if she fails to make the varsity team in high school and still thinks she's an Olympic-caliber player, then she needs to focus on more realistic goals. Guide your child to set reasonable goals to help avoid feelings of failure. If the goal is a stretch, discuss some reachable short-term steps along the path.

4. Model self-love and positive self-talk. You must love yourself before you can teach your child to love him or herself. You can model this behavior by rewarding and praising yourself when you do well. Whether you run a marathon, get a promotion at work or throw a successful dinner party, celebrate your successes with your children. Talk about the skills and talents and efforts needed for you to achieve those accomplishments. In the same conversation, you can remind your child of the skills he or she possesses and how they can be developed and used.